Monday, March 13, 2006

SPRING CLEANING

It may disappoint many readers—even fans of this site—to learn that worldwide, the ratio of bad couches to good writing is skewed dramatically toward the former. A recent study published by The Office of Public Information indicates that for every cracking good poem written in the United States, some 35,906 unbearably tacky home furnishings are manufactured! Over 40% of these are things one can sit on (including hope chests, wicker baskets, and those outdoor chairs that give you waffle-butt), and a whopping 25% of those are "couches." The study does not even include creative non-fiction or prose poems, so you can imagine how many more nasty settees see the light of day than, say, excellent short stories that do not involve cancer. As a response to these devastating statistics, I encourage readers to turn the tide by responding to these photographs of truly disgusting furniture. Let's send a message to our country that we'd rather stand up for original voices than sit down on stuff we can't bear to look at!

STARTHA

Send your responses to the pictures below to starthamewart@gmail.com. Please indicate to which photograph your piece corresponds. Some responses may be subject to future publication.

1














2















3















4















5

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

4 is HORRIFIC

11:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What kills me is how much people ask for this shit! I want to send offers like "I'll take it for free so you don't have to pay someone to remove it."

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/fur/143753666.html

I picked up a sofa exactly like this off the street a few weeks ago. A little Armor All and it's good to go.

12:18 AM  
Anonymous ana.log said...

This is embarrassing and I probably shouldn't admit it, but I used to own the couch pictured in #1. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's also used as a prop on Scrubs (in the apartment that the Turk and the other guy lived in). Mine had belonged to my parents in the late 80s and they gave it to me when they retired, as at that time I was living in my first apartment. I think I either sold it or gave it away a few years later. I do have better taste now, I swear.

6:18 AM  
Blogger Startha Mewart said...

If you think 4 is bad, I've got some DOOZIES on the way!

The craigslist URL that number 2 down posted has expired. I wish I'd gotten to see it. I might have made it a STAR!

ana.log: well, since you have such a personal connection to that couch, why don't you write a one-paragraph memoir about the couch and send it to me!

Starthamewart@gmail.com

6:02 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home